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Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
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1:29 pm - Questions!
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These are from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) ewigweibliche! Want me to ask you five questions? Comment saying so.
- How many blogs is too many?
HAH! Man, that's a good question. I'd say more blogs than I can update regularly is too many. I am reaching that point.
- South Bay for life? What about the East Bay?
The East Bay is nice, it's where I go for my Aikido studies. But I wouldn't want to live there. I'm a South Bay girl at heart. I like the suburbs and the available parking and the proximity to my workplace (and my husband's workplace, and my friends, and and and).
- Is there something that you know isn't good for you but you are reluctant to give up?
Lots of things! Diet Coke is a big one. I know it makes me tired and cranky when I drink it, but somehow I can't quite give it up. Mostly I have trouble doing things I know ARE good for me. For example, when my life gets crazy, I get really resistant to keeping up with my daily practice, which I know helps me to handle the craziness. WTF, brain?
- Kids. Babies. Is your extreme discomfort of them something that you want to work on? Plan to work on? Don't care one whit about?
It's something my therapist and I come back to when more pressing issues aren't making themselves known. I'd like to be able to be in the same room as my friends' offspring, so it is something I want to work on. Right now I find myself hiding in the kitchen at parties when folks show up with their kids, and that's not a headspace I enjoy. Plus, I know that my issue with babies and toddlers is strongly related to the discomfort I feel around seniors suffering from various forms of dementia, and I'd like to get over that, too.
- With which god or guardian do you have the closest or most specific relationship with? With which do you want to grow more deeply connected to and why?
I work a lot with Ana and the Arddhu, but don't talk about them much cos I worry about sounding all gothly. ("Ooooh, that Eelsalad thinks she's soooo spooky, worshiping death gods and loving bats and all. *eyeroll*") They were extremely helpful to me when I was struggling to grieve the loss of some of my myths about my childhood and my relationship with my mother. I'd really like to do closer work with the Peacock as part of getting more into my body. I have some mild gender dysphoria and (no surprise) a collection of body issues around weight and whatnot, and I can feel the Peacock calling me to work on all of that.
current mood:  weird
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| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
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12:24 pm - Grounding
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Grounding is something just about every newbie pagan/witch/new-age sort learns pretty early on. But there are a jillion ways to do it, and I was reminded a while back that the way I do it is apparently rather different from the norm. I was reminded of this again recently when a fellow pagan asked me to teach a mutual friend my method of grounding, because hers wasn't cutting it for him.
( Read more... )
So there it is. I'm curious what methods other folks use for grounding -- anything besides the standard roots-and-branches type deal?
current mood: Intrigued
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| Friday, June 5th, 2009
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3:46 pm - For Reference: The Cards of the Faery Oracle
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I like talking about readings I do with the wonderful Froud Faeries' Oracle Readings, and keep having to page through the online version of the deck to find the pages to send people. I got sick of it and made a little HTML file with all the cards in a list, and it occurred to me that 1, it'd be easier to find if I had it in my LJ, and 2, other people might find it useful. I've also included my correspondences between the Singers and the Guardians of the Feri tradition, for easy reference. Please note that these are my own correspondences, not anything "official. "
So I present: The Froud Faeries' Oracle Deck List!( Read more... )
current mood: cheerful
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| Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
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12:16 am - Pagan Pompt: Which tarot card do you connect with?
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) pagan_prompt asks:
Which tarot card's imagery do you feel drawn towards or connected with (the card and its imagery may be from any deck)? What does the card's imagery mean to you and what thoughts and feelings does it provoke? Why do you feel that you are drawn towards or feel connected with this card?
Feel free to substitute any set of runes or any other symbolic system of divination for 'tarot card'.
( Read more... )
current mood: thankful
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 9th, 2009
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2:39 pm - Pagan Prompt: Paganism and Fertility
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pagan_prompt asks:
What do you think about (most forms of) Paganism including celebrations of fertility into it's scared year? Do you think that the Pagan celebration of fertility offers something positive to the culture? If so, what, and if not, why not?
I'm not a fan of the fertility aspect of most pagan paths because it's 1, heteronormative and 2, rather exclusionary of folks who don't plan to reproduce. When it's about creativity instead of (or in addition to) fertility, I can get behind it if it's made explicit. But mostly I'm a fan of paths like Feri, which emphasize the ecstatic/creative over the fertility-oriented.
Sure, reproduction is important -- can't have a continuing species without it! -- and I'm not against heterosexual relationships (given that I'm married to a guy, that's probably pretty obvious), but I've spent a long time feeling excluded to varying degrees because of my childfree status, and it's become a rather tetchy issue for me -- it puts my hackles up in a damn hurry when liturgy goes on and on about procreation. I don't want to deal with that shit in my religion too, you know?
It's generally not an issue, though, because I rarely go to any pagan events that aren't pagan-centric. I generally don't go to big celebrations of the seasons, which is when the fertility cycle is usually most prominent.
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| Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
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8:58 pm - WTF, LJ?
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| Monday, April 27th, 2009
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1:32 pm - Questions
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| Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
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1:08 pm - What is your religion?
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yezida asked recently, "My religion is connection. What is yours? How do you identify?"
As previously discussed, when people ask me what religion I am, or what the deal is with the necklace I wear, I have a lot of possible answers. These days, I generally say I'm a pagan. Neo-pagan, if I'm feeling fancy. Sometimes I get more specific and say I'm a student of Feri, but lately it sounds as though it'd be more accurate to say I'm a student of yezida, who has a lot of influences, including Feri. And identifying as a student of someone says more about what I study than my religious practices, really.
My religion involves a lot of things. It involves knowing myself as deeply as I can, and trying to understand the parts of me that are problematic or painful. It involves being as honest as I possibly can be, especially with myself. It involves talking to the gods and doing my best to be open and listen to their replies. It involves magic, and the wonder of looking up into the night sky or into a lover's face at the moment of climax or at a flower opening to the sun and being present to see the beauty. It involves love, so much love that sometimes I'm afraid and sometimes I'm ecstatic and sometimes I'm just plain overwhelmed and drawn into transcendence.
I think that's the real summary there, that last sentence. My religion is Love.
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Friday, February 6th, 2009
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11:12 am - Pagan Prompt: Politics
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pagan_prompts asked: Do your religious/spiritual beliefs impact your political beliefs? Do political prayers, magic, and activism have a place in your practices? What is your reaction to hearing about such things as Hanuman devotees praying for Barack Obama's victory in the American presidential elections? Do you believe that religious beliefs have a place in government? Whether you believe they do or do not, how much influence do you think is appropriate or permissible?
And
If you were the leader of your country how would your beliefs impact your actions and decisions?
Yeah, this is an old one, but I find it an interesting question.( Blathering below the cut )
current mood: thoughtful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 16th, 2009
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1:25 pm - Pagan Prompt: Patron/Matrons
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pagan_prompt asks: Do you have any deities that you feel especially close to?
If you have any patron or matron deities: How did they become your patron or matron? What type of relationship do you have with your patron or matron? Do you regularly honor your patron or matron? If so how? Finally, how do you view your patron or matron in the context of your own personal theological framework and view of the cosmos?
I don't have a formal patron/matron. I'm extremely drawn to Anna and Arddhu, who are the crone and elder gods in the Feri Tradition's lemniscate of divinity. I sense them more clearly than any of the other gods and get messages from them more clearly too. I've taken to burning incense in their honor most days, and spending a few minutes reaching toward them, listening. It's been interesting.
The Peacock, another Feri god, draws me as well, but with him it's more that I could really use a solid dose of his teachings around self-confidence and healthy pride.
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2008
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12:40 pm - Pagan Prompt: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
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pagan_prompt asks:What does it mean to be a good witch/pagan/heathen/wiccan/etc?
EDIT TO CLARIFY: What is your ideal for your particular path? Is it someone who celebrates all the holidays or someone who meditates daily? Is it someone who preaches to others or someone who keeps their religious preference quiet? Etc...
This is an interesting question! I am of the opinion that however you practice your own path is fine by me provided you aren't harming folks. So, I'm against human sacrifice. I'm against animal sacrifice except when it's done humanely. I'm against spellwork involving theft. I'm against spreading disinformation about paganism in general or making us look like a bunch of fluffy idiots. You can see where I'm going with this, I assume. :)
For Feri in particular... well, I'm not an initiate so I can't really say, can I? Even if I could, I can't really wrap my head around the idea of "a good Feri" because the tradition defies absolutes so thoroughly. It seems to me, however, that the Feri initiates I admire most are scrupulously honest with themselves and others, are thoroughly centered/grounded most of the time, and are modest in a way that is neither self-effacing nor a mask for "humbler-than-thou" arrogance. They all seem... wild, somehow. Talking to them is like talking to a wild animal wearing a human skin.
For me, being a good witch means constantly striving to know my Self, to face my fears. Striving to be the best me that I can be -- which means finding out what that looks like, what that means. It seems to include, at least for now, daily prayer and meditation, occasional spellwork to help my friends, studying Aikido as seriously as I can, and working to be present and in my body (as opposed to up inside my head).
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| Friday, September 26th, 2008
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10:39 am - Pagan Prompt: What do you say?
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pagan_prompt asks: "If the topic of religion and/or spirituality comes up in conversation what do you say? Are you open and vocal about your pagan beliefs? Do you tailor what and how much you say based on who you're talking with?"
I definitely tailor my answer based on the person(s) I'm talking with. If asked directly I will not lie, and I have a handful of answers in a scale of detail: - "I was raised United Methodist."
- "I was raised United Methodist, but don't go to church anymore."
- *smile and hold up necklace bearing a pentacle, faery star, and tiny yin-yang* "Does this tell you anything?"
- "I'm a neo-pagan."
- "I study Anderson Feri witchcraft."
I sometimes combine said answers.
But man, oh, man the audience makes a difference. I'm out to my friends and some of my family members (I have a beloved family member who probably wouldn't take the news well and am putting off telling her), as well as some folks at work. But I don't go out of my way to bring it up, especially at work. When I was teaching and tutoring, I scrupulously did not tell people I worked with. I live in Silicon Valley in one of the suburban areas, which means it's more tolerant than say, the Bible Belt, but still pretty white bread suburban. (Which is hilarious because there are so many minorities here. Hell, I can get to Buddhist, Jain, Hindu, and Muslim religious buildings without getting on a freeway! But a local elementary school banned a spelling game which used wizards a few years ago because it might teach the kids magic, so... yeah.)
Now that I'm in the more open-minded tech industry, I'm out to some of my coworkers, but only the ones I'm particularly friendly with. I do have a witchy calendar in my cube, but that's mostly in protest over my dotted-line boss's Mormon calendar in his cube. I do wear my above-mentioned necklace every day and usually over my clothes, but almost nobody asks about it.
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| Monday, June 16th, 2008
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10:24 am - Grah!
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Been working on Big Stuff which has become Small Stuff, as I was hoping it would. But sometimes the little stuff is the hardest, right? I have a big post about it all stewing, but in the meantime, I figured I'd jump on the meme-wagon currently making the rounds:
If you are reading this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment of a memory of you and I.
It can be anything you like either good or bad. When you're finished post this little paragraph in your blog, you may be surprised by what people remember about you.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
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1:36 pm - Feri as Work
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Eldri's post here and this post in the Feri comm (member-locked, alas) about being uncomfortable using the word "Work" (as in "doing the work") and suggesting play, practice, exercise, art, etc. instead when talking about Feri have gotten me thinking.
Here's what I said in my comment on the comm post: Hm, this is thought-provoking.
Me, I would not call what I am doing right now in my Feri study "play." Sitting before my altar weeping in terror as I struggle to face my inner monsters without fleeing is not "play." It's not "expression." It's not "art." It is work -- effort expended toward the goal of working through my problems. It is incredibly difficult, and frankly, using gentle, euphamistic words to talk about it seems belittling.
"Work," like a great many words in the English language, has a lot of different meanings. Maybe it's the English Major in me, but I don't see a problem with using the word "work" to mean both "the process of studying Feri" and "that place I go for eight hours a day to earn enough money to afford to live as I like." Personally, I think that calling my Feri study "work" encourages me to consider all activities I call "work" to be sacred.
But then, my fierce love of Feri is a lot stronger than my mild dislike of going in to the office.
I've been pondering the issue since, as well. I am making something of an effort (not as much as I'd like, but the latest inner monster is taking most of my mental energy right now) to become more Kala in my speech. I'm trying not to use Judeo-Christian expletives or swear words that describe things that aren't inherently bad (dick, for example, or cocksucker). I'm trying to say "I feel angry" instead of "I am angry," and things like that.
Between my growing attention to language and my current difficulties in my own Feri practice, the posts really hit me. I don't see Feri as play at all. Play, to me, is something you do primarily for entertainment/enjoyment (like playing Guitar Hero, say). It may have other benefits (like developing hand-eye coordination), but you're primarily doing it for the fun of it. I am not in Feri for the fun of it - good thing, cos "fun" is not a word I'd use to describe my practice of late.
I am studying Feri because it calls to me and I am pretty sure it will help me get through a lot of my internal blocks and embrace my full potential as a human being. I don't think there's anything wrong with calling that "work." It takes effort. It's hard. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's scary. It is not done primarily for enjoyment, it's done because it's good for me. It's like lancing a boil - not fun, but necessary if I'm to heal. I sure wouldn't call lancing a boil "play" or "art" or "exercise." So why would I call the work I do in Feri any of those things? Feri may include play, art, and exercise, but it also includes work.
Work builds our roads and mass transit, finds new ways of generating power that don't hurt the planet, and grows our food. I think "work" is a good word for what we do in Feri -- we're building our skills, finding new ways of being in the world, and growing our power. These all take effort and are not always inherently enjoyable, but they're to the good.
current mood: thoughtful
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(35 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 1st, 2008
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6:40 pm - A Flame for Cora
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This is my altar to Ana and The Arddhu, and it seemed like the best place to put the flame I'll be burning for the late Cora Anderson (matriarch of the Feri tradition) for the next few days. The skull was found on a trail ride many years ago, and was one of the first in my small collection of found bones. The sphere is jet, and rests on a stand carved by my late grandfather.
current mood:  sad
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10:28 am - Blessings
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 Cora Anderson has passed away. I am thoroughly agnostic about the afterlife, but I wish, to whatever of her remains, all the best and the accomplishment of her Will.
I only got to meet her a few times, and she was very tired and not terribly clear, but I felt a great reverence toward her. From everything I have heard about her, I think we would have gotten along well had I been able to know her before her stroke. She had a practicality and no-nonsense quality that I greatly admire.
I have the Last Rites of the Bokonon faith running through my head now. They are slightly silly, and do not resonate perfectly with Feri, but they remain my favorite last rites, and I rather hope someone will give them to me (ending with "Good Night") when it's my time to go.( Cut to spare flists )
Blessings to everyone in the Feri community. Cora will be greatly missed.
current mood: sad
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 28th, 2008
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4:18 pm - Pentacle-running update
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So, as I mentioned a while back, I've been trying different positions for running the Iron and Pearl pentacles in my daily practice. I spent a couple of weeks running them seated, putting the points in my head, shoulders, and hips. That seemed to be going really well, but I noticed I was pretty tightly wound a few days ago, and wondered if part of it was running the pentacles through only part of my body (since the seated variation leaves out my legs and arms).
I tried running them lying down, but it didn't work well at all - I had trouble dropping a cord to pull up molten iron energy, and it all sort of fizzled. Feh.
So I gave running them standing another go, taking a break after Iron to rest my arms. Was it uncomfortable? Definitely - if anything, my arms ached more than they did the last time I tried it. But It worked a lot better. I felt better immediately - less wound up, less caught up in my head. I've been having Sex-Pride-Self issues (Pride is really futzed up and it's spreading to Sex and Self, as these things are wont to do), and they felt better. Pride is still not so great, but Sex and Self are better. So yay.
Moral of the story: experimentation is good, in spite of the fact that it sometimes leads you right back where you started. At least when you get back to square one, it feels better because you know what the other squares look like.
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| Thursday, April 10th, 2008
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4:22 pm - Questions
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yezida asked: When someone asks "Who are you?" what do you answer?
Do you cultivate Being, or simply existence?
What is your wish?
When someone asks who I am, I say "I am Eelsalad" (well, with my real name, of course). If they asked "What are you?" I'd probably say "human in training." Or "an Aikido student" or "a Feri student" or "a writer" or "a reader" or "a cat-momma" or something similar.
I'm not sure what it would mean to cultivate Being, but it sounds like a good thing.
My wish is to find all my parts and really get to know and love them thoroughly, even the parts that are spiky and hurtful and problematic. Maybe especially those parts, because once I know and love them, they will be less distressing to me. I hope that's the case, anyway.
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| Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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4:51 pm - Daily Practice
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| Monday, March 3rd, 2008
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7:34 pm - Priorities
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For a long, long time I have been an overachiever -- not just academically, but in general. When I have down time, I often feel vaguely guilty, like I should be doing things (an exception is made if I am exhausted from doing stuff). Heck, if I have a vacation where I'm not specifically off somewhere doing stuff, I get depressed. No joke.
I have a tendency to get interested in loads of different things, all of which take time, and try to do them all! at! once! until I finally freak out and collapse and have to start over from a semi-blank slate. Heck, I even do it with email lists and RSS feeds -- I keep joining and adding until I become incredibly overwhelmed, pare down to a manageable size ... and start it all over again. There's just too much in the way of interesting stuff in the world. I've never understood the folks who say they'd get bored if they were immortal. I think even if I were immortal, I'd never run out of stuff to do.
Anyway. ( What is the point, Eel? )
current mood: thoughtful
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